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Well, another year just went by in my life. Last night, a couple of my friends took me out to dinner to celebrate. It’s really great to have a group of friends whom you’ve known for a long time and see how everybody’s grown in life. Some of us have kids, others just got married and some getting married soon. Very nice to reminisce of old times and have fun together :).

A birthday is usually a celebration of life, what you’ve accomplished so far, wisdom of another year spent on earth, and time for reflection. For me though, the last few years was just a reminder of what I have NOT accomplished, and if it weren’t for my family and these good friends of mine who celebrate with me, it wouldn’t really mean anything.

The truth is, I’m not really satisfied at where I’m at in my life at this moment. Sure, I have a wonderful wife and 2 kids, nice life as it’s seen from an outsider point of view. But I just feel that I’m not in the position I’m meant to be at this time. Somehow there’s a feeling of many many missed opportunities the last few years, that there should’ve been something different, that somehow I made a few wrong choices in the past.

I see people everywhere building careers, businesses, families and think, all these people at my age, some at managerial positions in big companies, some self made millionaires, some strong families, enjoying life etc etc. And here I am, almost 30 years old (not yet ), no career, no business of my own, no sense of accomplishment, no mark in society, and I think my wife and oldest son would agree that I’m not being the best family man I can be towards them right now.

One of the reasons I agreed to go back to Indonesia, was to fix some of these issues. I wanted to start something on my own so I can be successful financially, enjoy quality time with my wife and kids and in general make a mark in life, contribution to society, do what I’m meant to be. But even this presents its own burdens; trying to find funding to start a business, finding the right partners and business to do, high medical and educational costs, safety, no support net but yourself, and so many more …

Birthdays are a time for reflection, and in reflecting, I find that life just doesn’t get any easier. It’s as if, once you hit adulthood, there’s no more fun and games, you’re in a war to accomplish your purpose in life, and choices made, good or bad, will affect whether or not you can accomplish that. Right now, I’m just hoping that I’m making the right choices in life and the bumpy road ahead won’t break down my spirit.

Well, well, that’s my reflection for this year. By the time next year rolls around, I’ll be in Indonesia and doing something to try and achieve something meaningful. Maybe the best thing is not to look back, but to look forward and keep on going. Wish me luck.

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